Marketing 4 Dummies

Having spent my entire career in radio, I learned a few things about marketing. For example, did you know that “new” is considered a very powerful word? That’s why you hear something – for instance, a radio station that’s been on the air for years – still refer to itself as “the new” station.

“Free” is another power word. Having a sale or promotion? Throw in something for “free” and ears hear.

There is one area where I think marketing runs into the ditch: Razors.

Actually, I think once razor blades got so expensive that grocery stores had to put them under lock and key, society sort of ran into the ditch, but let’s stay focused.

When razors left behind the old single-blade, marketers got hyper-creative. 

Two blades became ‘twin blades’. No, wait. Too old-fashioned. Let’s call it the slim twin. Wait! The ST2. ST is for slim twin, and the 2 is for… two blades. And put a moisturizing strip on there and it can be the ST2 Hydro. Yeah, that’s it. (Read that again, but this time be breathless with excitement!)

Schick makes the ST2. They also make a three-blade for both men and women. Can’t call it three-blade, though. (Did you fail marketing class??) It’s the Xtreme3. And the four-blade is the Quattro. Because ‘cuatro’ is the Spanish word for ‘four’.

Get it? You can’t call it Cuatro because then only Spanish-speaking people would buy it, right? But Quattro sounds like cuatro, so they’ll think, hmm... 4 blades… but not just for Spanish-speaking people. Give everyone in marketing a raise!

Schick also makes a ladies’ razor called “Intuition.” I haven’t investigated, but I assume it knows when it’s time for you to shave your legs and hops in the shower with you on its own.

The grand prize in razor marketing goes to Gillette. 

Who decided to call a shaver the Mach3? Shouldn’t the Mach3 come with speakers that play NASCAR sounds as you shave? Am I to believe it will shave my face at warp speed? If not, then what?

But Gillette didn’t stop with the Mach3. Oh, no. They added “turbo”. If I’m using the Mach3 Turbo, I want flames shooting out of the end of that thing. I want it to soar across my face. I want to feel exhilarated. Like I just won the Le Mans across France!

Gillette also has a Fusion Proglide Silvertouch Manual Razor with Flexball Technology. Please note that most of the words in that name are registered or trademarked so don’t plan on stealing them for your own shaver. Since a whole lot of marketing genius was put into that thing – and I know my marketing - I’ll break it down for you as I see it.

-Fusion implies it becomes one with your face, so it touches your face.
-Proglide means you glide it over your face, but not like an amateur. Pro. Glide.
-Silvertouch means it’s silver. (It is.)
-And the Flexball part means it rotates on a ball of some sort.

Oh, forgot the ‘manual’ part. That means for all the money they spent on marketing and you spent on buying the thing, you still have to hold it and shave yourself.

Glad I could help.

Retirement? What Retirement?

Doggin' It (Dog People)