Having spent my entire career in radio, I learned a few
things about marketing. For example, did you know that “new” is considered a
very powerful word? That’s why you hear something – for instance, a radio
station that’s been on the air for years – still refer to itself as “the new”
station.
“Free” is another power word. Having a sale or promotion?
Throw in something for “free” and ears hear.
There is one area where I think marketing runs into the
ditch: Razors.
Actually, I think once razor blades got so expensive that
grocery stores had to put them under lock and key, society sort of ran into the
ditch, but let’s stay focused.
When razors left behind the old single-blade, marketers got hyper-creative.
Two blades became ‘twin blades’. No, wait. Too
old-fashioned. Let’s call it the slim twin. Wait! The ST2. ST is for slim twin,
and the 2 is for… two blades. And put a moisturizing strip on there and it can
be the ST2 Hydro. Yeah, that’s it. (Read that again, but this time be
breathless with excitement!)
Schick makes the ST2. They also make a three-blade for both
men and women. Can’t call it three-blade, though. (Did you fail marketing class??)
It’s the Xtreme3. And the four-blade is the Quattro. Because ‘cuatro’ is the
Spanish word for ‘four’.
Get it? You can’t call it Cuatro because then only
Spanish-speaking people would buy it, right? But Quattro sounds like cuatro, so
they’ll think, hmm... 4 blades… but not just for Spanish-speaking people. Give
everyone in marketing a raise!
Schick also makes a ladies’ razor called “Intuition.” I
haven’t investigated, but I assume it knows when it’s time for you to shave
your legs and hops in the shower with you on its own.
The grand prize in razor marketing goes to Gillette.
Who decided to call a shaver the Mach3? Shouldn’t the Mach3
come with speakers that play NASCAR sounds as you shave? Am I to believe it will
shave my face at warp speed? If not, then what?
But Gillette didn’t stop with the Mach3. Oh, no. They added
“turbo”. If I’m using the Mach3 Turbo, I want flames shooting out of the end of
that thing. I want it to soar across
my face. I want to feel exhilarated. Like I just won the Le Mans across France!
Gillette also has a Fusion Proglide Silvertouch Manual Razor
with Flexball Technology. Please note that most of the words in that name are
registered or trademarked so don’t plan on stealing them for your own shaver. Since
a whole lot of marketing genius was put into that thing – and I know my
marketing - I’ll break it down for you as I see it.
-Fusion implies it becomes one with your face, so it touches
your face.
-Proglide means you glide it over your face, but not like an
amateur. Pro. Glide.
-Silvertouch means it’s silver. (It is.)
-And the Flexball part means it rotates on a ball of some
sort.
Oh, forgot the ‘manual’ part. That means for all the money
they spent on marketing and you spent on buying the thing, you still have to
hold it and shave yourself.
Glad I could help.