Random Thoughts

I saw a lady wearing a tank top with the colors of the American flag. It read “free and proud.” I thought that could be pretty funny if she was braless.

Any time I see a donkey, he looks sad. Is that how Eeyore got his personality, or do I emote Eeyore on all donkeys? Maybe they’re sad because people like me yell, “Jackass!!” every time we pass a donkey. I even roll down the window to do that sometimes.

When people ask, “Where has the time gone?” I always want to say, “To your butt, it appears.” But I usually don’t.
I quit saying, “Makes you want to slap yo’ mama” when my Mama said she’d slap me back. She said it like she meant it.
If your last name is Screws, does it really matter what your first name is?

It’s not that I hate carrots, it’s just that if I’m going to put that much effort into chewing something, it ought to taste better.
When I saw the car tag, HVN SNT, ‘heaven sent’ didn’t immediately occur to me. Perhaps because the car was parked in the hospital parking lot, my initial thought was ‘HAVING SNOT’.
If I ever get my own state, I’m gonna call it Potato. When someone asks me where I live, I think it would be fun to say, “North Potato.”
Ever notice that when someone is telling a story, and they say, “Anyway, to make a long story short…”, it’s always way too late for that?

My wife tells me that a half pound bag of Peanut M&Ms before I go to bed is not good for me. There’s a good chance I may never know if she’s right.

The Great Lemonade Heist

A Man Needs a Maid