Another Hero

I’m getting punctured. Acupunctured.

A friend whose hand tremors (essential tremors) are as bad as mine believes acupuncture has helped, so I’m giving it a go.

I can go back to 7th grade and remember shaky hands under pressure. Like reading a paper in front of class. It didn’t bother me, but stress brought out the worse for shaky hands.

In my announcing career, I spend almost 30 years as the PA guy for University of Georgia Gymnastics. For many of those, I would be in the middle of a coliseum with a spotlight on me introducing the event. It didn’t bother me a bit to be out front, but the tremors were kinda obvious to the point I was eventually moved to the announcer’s table for everything.

Time and age does not improve tremors, and 7 weeks of radiation to the neck in my 60’s hit critical areas like the thyroid and made it worse.

I’m asked occasionally if I have Parkinsons. So, if acupuncture can help, why not try.

My therapist has 30 years’ experience and promises nothing but believes in possibilities.

Me, too. I’ve committed to 8-10 visits.

In a recent session, she inserted 22 needles. I asked her to take a pic for me.

Ladies and gents, I present our newest superhero and my latest alter ego, PINCUSHION!

Not pictured: needles in my back, hands and feet.

PINCUSHION knows no pain, no boundaries, is immortal and most of all, handsome as hell.

The PINCUSION movie could feature Robert Redford, except a superhero being played by a dead guy probably isn’t my finest idea. Let’s try Chris Pine.

Like an archer with a quiver of arrows on his back, my neck is my quiver!

When it’s time to take down a villain, I will reach behind my neck, snatch a needle out and fling it with great accuracy and speed at the intended target.

The needle will be my calling card. When the cops come and investigate, they’ll see the needle sticking out of the dead guy’s body and say, “PINCUSHION has stuck again!”

Get it? Instead of struck, they’ll say stuck. Because… you know… needles.

Sophisticated humor is lost when you have to explain it.